La finance à la façon de Molière

Dans la dernière scène du Malade imaginaire Molière a fait de l’examen du doctorat en médecine une cérémonie burlesque en latin de cuisine. Pour chaque pathologie le candidat a la même prescription :

Clysterium donare,
Deinde purgare,
Ensuitta seignare.

Voici le doctorat en science économique version finance. Le latin est remplacé, comme il se doit aujourd'hui, par un anglais macaronique.

EXAMINATOR

Excellent academics,
Economists, experts,
Essayists, journalists
And everybody,
Salutations, honor, money
And good appetit !

I cannot enough admire
This wonderful invention,
Finance economics.
It made us rich and powerful :
We are Gods in the City of London,
Wall Street, Hong-Kong and Francfort aussi,
And we govern all the countries.

It is important for us
To receive in our profession only
Those who are dedicated and able
To apply the sound theory.

I will question this savant candidate
Then we will decide if he deserves
The most honourable title of PhD

Excellent candidate, please answer :
What would you counsel for a country
Whitout any industry at all ?

CANDIDATE

Perfect competition,
Free trade,
And shareholder value creation.

CHORUS

Good, very good answer !
He deserves to enter
In our savant profession.

EXAMINATOR

What would you counsel for a country
With an enormous unemployment ?

CANDIDATE

Perfect competition,
Free trade,
And shareholder value creation.

CHORUS

Good, very good answer !
He deserves to enter
In our savant profession

EXAMINATOR

What would you counsel for a country
Where there is civil war and epidemy ?

CANDIDATE

Perfect competition,
Free trade,
And shareholder value creation.

CHORUS

Good, very good answer !
He deserves to enter
In our savant profession

EXAMINATOR

What would you counsel for a country
Whose dictator intends only to enrich himself ?

CANDIDATE

Perfect competition,
Free trade,
And shareholder value creation.

CHORUS

Good, very good answer !
He deserves to enter
In our savant profession

EXAMINATOR

Do you swear to never change
And always recommande
The same excellent policy ?

CANDIDATE

I swear.

EXAMINATOR

I give you, with this venerable PhD
Power to be an expert in Economics and Finance
Everywhere in the World
And at Bruxelles and Bercy itou
With the unlimited ability
To enrich the predators,
Ruin, desperate and destroy
Workers, engineers and entrepreneurs
Without any accountability,
Get a lot of money and jolly enjoy
Drinks, drugs and good fucks !

CHORUS

Vivat, vivat, a hundred times vivat !
New doctor, you spoke very well.
Thousand years of destroy and kill !
Get a lot of money and jolly enjoy
Drinks, drugs and good fucks !